Looking for Yad HaShem

Events happen. Life happens. Seemingly at random, but HaShem is the One who is guiding it all, even as it unfolds. It is only when we look back upon the events that occurred can we begin, maybe – if we are lucky – to see how that which has happened was no mere accident. How that which was seemingly bad was for our benefit. How it is truly Yad HaShem that was involved in the events that “happened.

On December 31, 2008, my wife gave birth to triplets. Having been on bed rest, both at home and in the hospital, my employer had been very gracious up until that point allowing me to come in late and leave early to be home for my older children. But, in February of 2009, I was let go ostensibly b/c of the low amount of work volume coming in – a result of them then current economic conditions in the nation. How was I to pay bills? How was I to maintain health insurance, especially important with children who required medical intervention, surgeries, hospital stays, and critical care. As a part of the government stimulus plan, the federal gov’t agreed to pay 65% of the costs of COBRA health insurance coverage for those people who were terminated from employment for a 9 month period. I qualified.”

Over the next few months, as I began looking for work, I was also available to help my wife and children at a moment in time when I was needed around the house more than ever. Fortunately, I was able to find “temporary” work, at a location extremely close to my house. Paid by the hour, there were no guarantees, but there was at least some income. And would a regular, steady, “full-time” position have allowed me the flexibility needed to leave as-needed to go home or the hospital for a full year? I hardly think so.

While the project for which I was initially hired to do has long since been over, I am still there, at the “temporary” place of employment, working on other projects. However, with the federal gov’t COBRA period of 9 months ending, how am I going to afford health insurance, a much needed item? In December 2009 the gov’t extended the 65% plan for another 6 months.

I don’t know what the future will hold, but in looking back I can clearly see Yad HaShem in everything that has occurred and that where I am is where I am supposed to be.

Tatty, I'm Here

"My 5 year old son still comes into my bed almost every night. A lot of the time I'm so deeply asleep I don't even feel it. But, sometimes, like last night, I was slightly awake when he came in and whispered 'Tatty, I'm here.'

He has said that before when he comes in, and I don't know why. Is it to let me know to move over, to make room for him? Is it because he wakes up and imagines that I am lonely at 3:30 in the morning, and he's letting me know that it's ok - that he's there?

And, isn't that what we want to tell HaShem, our Tatty? Tatty, we are here. You're not alone in this golus, in this night.....and if You'll only move over and let us in next to You, we will come in?

Tatty, we're here."

Hindsight is 20/20

In February of this year (2009), I was laid off. Boruch HaShem, I was able to locate a temporary position extremely close to my house. Supposed to only last 1-2 months, the time keeps extending. Only now, looking back over that time, can I see what a blessing it was.

Over the past year, we were zoche to bring our babies home from the hospital and the going has not only been easy. My son has been in and out (mostly out) of the hospital with in-patient treatments, surgeries, and extended stays in rehab centers. Although leaving work also means losing out on money - as a temp employee I get paid by the hour so no work = no pay - it also means I have the flexability to take off as I see fit as long as I also get the job done. A "real" position would have meant that I cannot go over my alloted vacation/holiday/sick days.

Although health insurance is still a big question, overall, I have enjoyed the time I've speant at the place of employment where I've been. I guess it is true....hindsight is 20/20 and, more importantly, HaShem knows what He is doing when He causes events to occur.

South of Broad - New Book

One of my favorite authors, Pat Conroy, came out with a new book this summer. Entitled South of Broad, it takes place in the late 1960's and, according to the jacket description, goes through the AIDS crisis - so it must go throught he 1980's as well. I just started it last night, but it is classic - Classic - Conroy.

He's one of the few authors where I get so wrapped up in his prose, heavy to be sure, that I get completely wrapped up not only in the story but in the very language of the novel itself and I lose track of time while reading.

Quite frankly, he's one of, if not the only, author I make the time for.

Separation of Church and State in Israel

Firstly, I'm still getting the hang of this whole blogging concept and posting up articles that interest me.

Secondly, news out of Israel is that the Secular Court system is stepping in and requiring the Religious Dayanim to clearly spell out why they disagree with R' Chaim Druckman, who as the Rabbinic head of the National Conversion Authority, allowed numerous (hundreds/thousands) of conversions to proceed under his aegis that (chareidi) rabbonim feel should not have been permitted. The Secular Courts are now requiring the Religious Court to disclose why they overturned those conversions.

This is coming in conjunction with anothe recent ruling by the Israeli Supreme Court, requiring tequal funding for Reform and Conservative conversions in line with funding provided to Orthodox conversions.

I have less of a problem with the second issue and a massive problem with the first.

A true secular country that strives, sort-of, for Church and State, should not be legally permitted to differentiate between branches of religion. But, in that same vein, neither should the Secular Court intervene in what is a matter of halacha and halachic dispute. It's one or the other. The Israeli Courts want it both ways.

Thoughts, comments?

It's been a while since I posted last and I apologize, just been busy. All of the babies have come home from the hospital and I just started a temporary position, working at Medco Health Solutions.

It's that last point I wanted comments on. How does emunah/bitachon work? I did not apply for the position, it essentially fell into my lap. So, can I look at it that it's bashert I'm where I'm supposed to be NOW and, when the time comes to get another position, it will come to me? Or, do I continue to look for a permanent position while I still have this one?

Getting ready for Pesach, all the last minute preparations. For most people that means, shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc...For me? It means babysitting the kids so my wife can get to the hospital to spend time with the other kids. I enjoy babysitting. I get to see a side of my children that I don't get to see when my wife is present. I find they are much better behaved when I am home without her.

In general, I am told, children behave worse when the primary caregiver is present and apparently my family is no exception.

Leaps of faith

I've never been much of a risk taker, prefering the comfort and security of a steady pay check to the thrill and unknown of venturing out on my own. But, at the end of the day, that gets you no where except working at the whim and will of an employer. Perhaps it is time to start out on my own? An interesting opportunity came up and I'm grappling with myself as to whether or not to grasp it and see where it leads. It would mean I'd be practicing law in an area I know nothing, nothing, about with little to no oversight/backup or whom to go to should questions arise. But, it also means I have a chance to develope my own practice with a steady, guaranteed, client to start.

Should I take the leap? Play it safe and keep looking? Try to do both?

So, being unemployed has its' good features and upsides as well. I have more opportunities to go to the gym, help my wife around the house, daven with a minyan for mincha, start a blog, and search for a new job. I should learn some more, but have not yet grasped that opportunity.....and hoping I don't have to.

So yesterday I had interviews in Queens and Long Island.....we shall see. In the meantime I'm doing some work for private clients, and thinking/toying with the idea of really starting my own firm, at least on the side until I find something. But, I have the opportunity to do it full time as well as a client is offering me steady full-time work. Problem is I really, truly, don't want my the headaches and hassles of starting my own firm.

Getting ready for Pesach, baseball season starts and my fantasy team is ready to go as well.

This is my first post on my own blog. Ever. Why am I doing this? I have no idea at but, "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is the saying, so I'll start this and see where this takes me.

First, though, a bit about me. I'm a 32, male, married, unemployed attorney with six kids. I live in New York, originally from Philadelphia (still on a World Series high), and despite the hometown pride would never move back there.

I have a day school background, yeshiva in Israel - Hip, Hip Sha'arei - and identify myself as semi-chassidish 0r "chassidic-lite." I'm more conservative than not but see things in shades of gray, rather than black-and-white, and I constantly have to reconcile personal and religious viewpoints...we'll get to these things later.

Anyway....that's it for an opening.